Lexi's Gotcha Day!!

It was one year ago today that we held our sweet Lexi in our arms. What a day it was. We started out the day in Guangzhou. It was really strange, I really wasn't excited that day. I was wondering what was wrong with me. I was about to meet the little girl whose picture we had fallen in love with and I felt nothing....no excitement, no butterflies, no nervousness. I am so very thankful that I did feel that way. I think it made the next 24 hours so much easier for me. Our plane was delayed and we were late getting to the hotel that night. They brought Lexi into the lobby and we were wondering if they brought us the wrong child. Our new 19-month-old daughter was only 12.5 pounds and could hardly hold up her head! It was the next day when we went to finalize her adoption that they asked if we had seen her brain scan, which we hadn't. We decided to take her to the Xi'an Children's Hospital and it was there the doctor told us that her brain was "very bad" and she was "hopeless." I have to admit that I did feel relief as I handed her back to the orphanage staff. We held her and gave her one last kiss and told her how much we loved her. The next 5 days were so very hard to explain. I have never felt such pain in my heart like that before and I hope to never feel that again.

After we got home from China I had feelings of guilt. Presley was so perfect. Her transition was super easy, we found out she didn't have a cleft palate, and she was so smart! But as time has gone on those those guilty feelings have subsided. Lexi was able to get her lip repaired through Love Without Boundaries and is now gaining weight. The last update I had was that her disability is starting to be seen in her face, but she is still so adorable!! She is usually in her own little world and rarely connects with the outside world. Did we make the right decision?? Absolutely!! I miss my Lexi everyday. Though mentally she wasn't completely there, her spirit was sweet and very strong! You could just feel that little girl that was in there. It sounds awful, but I truly hope she is never adopted. My heart wants so badly for her to have a family here in America so that I could visit her and know that she is being well taken care of. Lexi will never "know" she doesn't have a family. I would rather see another child come home, one of the thousands of orphans that go to sleep every night longing for a family.

I think it is quite fitting that Lexi's first "Gotcha Day" is on Memorial Day. Not only will we always remember her, but she will forever be a part of our family and will be loved forever. Yes!! She does have a family!! We left China with two daughters, one in our arms and one forever in our hearts.

These socks are all we have of Lexi's. The clothes we brought her were all too big so we put her in the outfit she was wearing from the night before. If I would've know what was to happen that day, I would've put her in a too big outfit so that I would have more keepsakes.

This is the most recent picture we have of her taken in February.

Here is the only video we captured of Lexi. It is priceless to us!!